my saturday july 16th, 2005 review

by ts, 7a-gifted, miss weasely's stimulating saturdays program
july 16th was a day that sucked. me and andrea and snags and bonnie and shel and matt and annie took the f train to siren fest but something at the 2nd avenue stop happened that was ileegal so the cops came and made the ride take 2 hours. once we got to coney island we saw 4 and a half seconds of q and not u's last rock show ever and then me and bonnie ate lots of funnell cake and roast corn and kinishes on the boardwalk amidst the post artschool retard rodeo/beach going boriqua wellspring and then turned around and instantly went back to nyc on the f train cause we have social ankiety and need pakil or valium or both but that took another 2 hours because god hates us. in summing up, i kill siren fest in my mind and the mta totally blows. in additionally summing up, the K on my sidekick keypad broke and so i used X's instead which sb found and replaced in her 'puter word program in order to post this. in conclusive summing upwards, pakil is not a real drug, ankiety is not a real problem, and the mta still blows.

my thursday July 14th, 2005 review

by aw, Congregation Ner Tamid day camp, bimah studies section
Thursday, the Fourteenth day of July in the Year 2005 has got me so soured I can only do a recap: Firstly, I watched television programming of a documentary nature with an internet dating subject matter. It made me realize the future is a sad place. Then, I got in a brain-fuck fight with a has-been crush the size of one ulcer that no Prilosec can fix. Luckily, after that I accidentally touched cat feces with my bare hands! But before the night was over, I ruined SB's birthday gift surprise 13 months in the making by not having the forethought to realize the shipping label on SB's parcel from the UCSB bookstore would ruin SB's surprise at the UCSB sweatshirt inside, which was for SB. In conclusion, you should never do dishonest things like buy a senior citizen ticket to see "murderball", cause this is the payback and it is so not worth the 4 (four) dollar savings.

my saturday july 9th, 2005 review

by sb, larry bird's program for penmanship special camper
my saturday july 9th was ok, although i spent most of it in a costco in brooklyn with a skinny guy named peaches who drives a truck, sails, can skateboard, and basically would give any billyburg girl, from the wenches in their boots'n'ruffles to the flashdancers who have removed the shoulders from all of their clothes, hugenormo boners and if he's not a friendster celebrity than i am a bad judge of the universe. anywho, i am immune to such tomfoolery and am holding out for another round of naked dissapointment til i meet a member of the tribe anyway, so i spent mucho time with peaches buying supplies for a big bbq the next day and listening to shitty music in his car, completely hard on-free. after all the excitement of strolling aisles filled with giant tubs of ketchup and boxes of 3000 tampons, it was all i could do to come home and walk buzzo to pick up my fave chicken rice bowl to recharge and watch made on my tivo. moments later tho, due either to the exhaustion of filling a bk hunk's trunk (tr'hunk?) with 150 hot dogs or eating a chicken rice bowl spiked with date rape powder, i fell asleep on my bed watching a movie and didn't wake up til ts called me to tell me that jess had a what's up matador cd on the ep of gilmore girls she was watching. in conclusion, i have wasted my life.

(F)atlas Review (xtra length to make up for all the time we stopped writing reviews and only reviewed stuff *in our minds*)

by ts, 7a-gifted, miss weasely's stimulating saturdays program
(F)atlas, on 2nd avenue and 5th street, is me and the stay at home moms crew fave vegan needs restaurant, like, ever. it has delicious delicious tofu blend-in deserts and fake turkey salad sandwhiches and is very expensive because nyc likes to torcher people who live there who like to eat and ware clothes and see movies and live in apartments. (F)atlas always has cute boys that we never talk to and there and lots of vegantreats.com cakes and pies that are very delicious and also very expensive. the guys that work there love girls and will always give discounts to the girls they love the most who is never us or never me. the way they smile at other girls not me makes me feel icky but i wish i could get that discount or whatever. also, the homelessnothomeless guy that is always there who is not sb's dad but shore does look alot like him i think now likes me in that special way because i chit chat with him because he seems lonely. my favorite slice is the chocolate encased strawberry shortcake and my favorite blend in is vanilla with raspberries and oreos and coconute (coconute!) flakes but i hate the fake fish sandwhich that suz made me get it was just murder on my mouth. In summing up, i kindof hate this kid gabrielle ben-meyer because he is a jock and a dick. jus' sayin.