friends

• snax
  
• every girl who's been on the show made, especially the nice girl from new jersey who works with duct tape and the prissy lady who landed a back flip on her bmx. ooh, ooh, and the sensitive jock! we would totally kiss his face and then send him a nice postcard a few months later!
  
• "sweet action" magazine, cuz it's filthy!
  
• michael stipe circa 1989, who refused to sing love songs and put a black bar over his titties on tv.
  
• janeane garofalo, cuz we see her walking her dogs sometimes-- alone!-- and she's five feet tall and totally looks like she could kick our asses.
  
• puppies by the fuckin' basketfull!
  

foez

• snax
  
• -match.com, eharmony.com, or any e-dating bullshit.
  
• von dutch, aka von douche. little known fact-- von dutch is german for "extremely lazy stylist."
  
• reality marriage programming, even if little people are involved.
  
• when young women say things like "that will go straight to your hips" and take notes while watching "oprah."
  
• young men in tight shirts who front rock bands and blame women for everything wrong in their lives, from their hangnail to the fact they need to change their oil to the sun's overtly-yellow color.
  
• paris hilton, aka, the antithesis of all things dXe. when yr giving yr backstreet boy bf a birthday cake with yr fucking face on it, you are so beyond hope.