dxe first ever POETRY CONTEST open call!

teets note:
ARGH MATEY!
ahoy there (micro, if any) pirate readership,*

exciting new dxe development: in the wake of our oodles of free time, sb and I have recently started a slam poetry troupe that performs never and sticks to only 1 theme, as dictated by newly instated (sp?) troupe bylaws. the name of our troupe (and the 1 phrase that is required to appear as the final line of all of troupe poems) is REGRETTABLE NAKED TIMES. (see: fruit of google image search below)



we are asking (all 2 of) you to submit your best, most earnest poetry samples detailing the harshest REGRETTABLE NAKED TIMES you can bare to put to paper. best (read: all 2) submissions will be posted here on the front page of dxe interweb hq and one lucky winner will git to go on a date with us to atlas never because we don't live on the east coast anymore.

please expect our first submissions to be made by either john carney or lauren austin, as they are the above mentioned only 2 people who read this site. i would also like to see something sent in by this dude bryce hackman that i just met as he majored in poetry in college and that fact kindof blows my mind (pieces everywhere style.)

thank you in advance with yr help in this matter.
TS

* - we don't mean pirates in a 'burg-ian, post-ironic mid-bullshit, hobos-are-the-new-pirates kind of thing. we just thought it was a funny intro.

sb's note:
the phrase regrettable naked times comes from my description of my enemy #1 (all about giving myself credit in the 06-07 school year), and since we've all had many of them, the two people who read this site will have no trouble coming up with some real doozies. (see further google image search fruit below. that is shame. channel it.)

oh! lauren and other guy, make sure you sign yr poem with yr name and location, eg, veronica mars, neptune, california. but don't pretend to actually be veronica mars cuz that crosses the line into internetsad.

oh! oh! the last words of every poem must be "regrettable naked times." that's the law. as such, haiku are not admissable unless yr trying some 7-9-7 shit, which seems kinda bullshitty, but whatever.

*

starter poetry examples by either ts or sb (we share a hive mind tho so none are signed):

1.
saw yr parts
wanna barf
you were mine
now get in line
for regrettable naked times

2.
I touched yr d.
As you watched tv.
I had that thing UP!
As you played fifa world cup.
Yr disinterest shines. And also -
you've got the BO.
Regrettable naked times.

3.
went in for the death grope
then abandoned hope
our love didn't last
but at least the sex was fast
regretable naked times

4.
Yr d is hairy
and that sweat smell is scary.
I cry myself to sleep.
I incessantly fear
yr tongue in my ear.
God, please my virginity keep.
Regrettable naked times.

5.
had to give you the complete tour of my zone
since a woman's parts you did not know
you needed the facts
like, don't touch me like that
regrettable naked times

UPDATE: new (and more pointed-- owch!) contributions:

never met something you couldn't hate
cept my cash, which you loved to take
now we're not in the sack
you won't give it back
regrettable naked times

Yr were my man, but it was a joke
I lentchu money cause you were broke
When we came to that place
When I stopped kissing yr face
You took my dough and ran
I just went and bought mace
To kick yr ass I will race
Hipster minion you know I can
Every generous girl dates slimes, hence
REGRETTABLE NAKED TIMES

yr a thief, a drunk, a hack
i want my fucking money back
our sexin lead to your web of lies?
REGRETTABLE NAKED TIMES.

Yr life has been impossibly hard
That fragile latin heart is scarred
You've got free reign to be a fucktard
I want my money back, assface.
REGRETABLE NAKED TIMES.

stayed in nyc for eight weeks
enough to hate life again and kick it to a creep
came home to spent bottles of wine
and hair that isn't mine
(shed during some else's)
REGRETABLE NAKED TIMES

now yr turn! make us proud! if you don't, screw you guys, we'll just write more ourselves. nobody's funnier to us than us anyway, and we are one of us.
-ts/sb

ps: check the comments and prepare to pee pants!