SB and I Might Be The Only People To Ever Read This X-tra Wordy Interview, Besides Lauren Austin. At The Thought Of This, I Shed A Single Tear. By, TS

SB Bennett Jackson-Lamay, besides being the most text intensive person I know outside of myself, is my total handsdown bestie fer life, as well as my partner in the datexedge mini-empire, as well as inexplicably hilarious. I know her better than I know anyone on the earth entire, yet because of our mutual fascination with both ourselves and each other - I thought it best to do the LONGEST INTERVIEW IN THE WORLD WITH HER FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Viva 2006 and our dual oodles of spare time.

1. Yr my best bud on earth, hands down. That is why I am interviewing you. I am obsessed with myself, flat out. That said, even though this is yr interview, lets start off by asking me a funny interview question. You have my solemn vow that I will do my best to answer it real funny-like.

1a.SB QUESTION: why are we both so in love with younger dudes? is it because we are both in towns where we are the sole single representatives of the/our (coveted) 26-32 demographic? because we/i work with older women and yarnstuffs all day and am even starting to think the 20 year old at the coffee shop next door who looks like alfred e. neuman seems hot because he has a lot of tattoos and a pulse (and 20's being generous, but i'm guessing he's not 16 unless he started getting tattoos at birth, but if he is that young i'm pretty sure i could go to jail just for writing this)? or because all dudes our age who aren't life partnered up are bald and or drug addicted? where's oprah when you need her?

1b. TEETER ANSWER (be forewarned: not as funny as I had initially anticipated): As we both know, I have severe cases of tanorexia, post nasal drip and mental/emotional arrested development. I am so effing old yet I insist on believing/living/acting like I am still a teenager. Some of my current besties in life, besides you, natch, are 14 to 17 years old. I identify with them on such a solid cultural and intellectual and musical level. In fact, my crankypants 31 year-old sister and I just got into a knock down, drag-out battle while I was trashed on cheap red wine because she said my favorite 16 year-old boypal ever, Gordon Levy, couldn't sleep over in the living room on the aerobed, by himself, after the big emo show next week because he was too young to be in her house and that it was super weird of me to even ask. Also, I love project dudes and the younger ones tend to be way more effed up. Also, Oprah is eating lean grilled chicken in a white wine and sun-dried tomato reduction with her full-time personal chef while blogging about how much she hates James Freys gutz. Obvi! Also, the song Clean Sheets by the Descendents is undeniably very excellent. Also also, apropos of absolutely nothing, I kindof hate Matt Owens. Thank you, that is all.

2. Who would you rather tongue smooch and also maybe touch in the bathing suit region: Jess Mariano from the Gilmore Girls, Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars, Jack from LOST or Angel from Buffy? Matthew Fox is one hot piece of ayass. I know from experience.

I currently live alone in rural new hampshire (tm), so thinking about intimate times with fictional characters takes up a big chunk of my day. it's hard tho, because their real life actor counter parts usually get in the way of my warm thoughts, and as much myself and, say, the kid from everwood would enjoy exploring each other's bodies, i can't get over the fact that said actor (ew) might be canadian/l ron tarded/like, 18 years old. so as i weigh the pros/cons of each character, the lines between fiction and reality might be blurred a bit, so prepare to go through the looking glass, people.

jack from lost: i am getting this out of the way up front because i don't watch lost. i know. i know i should watch lost. i should watch it and try to figure out the stupid numbers and be upset they killed the drunk 'rican girl off. BUT, the thing is, there is no room right now in sarah's tv obsession inn. veronica mars is taking up most of the top floor, gilmore girls has the presidential suite, and now sports night dvds are sharing tandem rooms by the pool. so lost has to wait at least 2 years until it makes its way up the waiting list, and besides, that guy was on party of five where he had a mullet, face moss and an on/off relationship with a bipolar skeleton. VERDICT: i don't know this guy from a hole in the ground and he needs to shave his face.

logan from veronica mars: as you and i both know, dudes on tv named logan are bad news; their characters are usually as unbelievable and contrived as the "wacky" name the show's scribes chose from the "baby names like montana and hunter" book they have in the writers room. in addition to being named for an airport, this logan a, has frosted tips, b, shops at toosh in the west village, specifically for fitted printed tee and manly windbreaker twin sets, and c, has some sort of deviated septum/broken nose/hayfever something something you can hear when he talks that makes it sound like he has to make that gross rumbling sound in his throat and/or hawk a giant loogie after each line of dialogue (and as much as you don't want to be there when he does it, you just want him to effin do it already because you are this close to pulling a mom, putting a tissue to his face, and saying blow). and of course, in real life, this guy is married to his scito high school sweetheart, hands out l ron pamphlets by the freeway, and insists tom cruise's baby is real. also his character coordinated bum fights and "did it" with cordelia. VERDICT: he looks like he just got back from a "lifestyle" conversion camp and i wouldn't want to be his one woman "welcome home" party, if you know what i "mean."

angel from buffy (and horrible angel): as you know, and as you readership should know, i am a yellow belt level joss whedon nerd-- while i've seen all buffys and angels and fireflys (but i didn't see serenity in the theater, i'm sorry!), i'm not lining up to buy my tickets to the james marsters at sea fanfest2000 where an autograph from demon #3 from "once more with feeling" will cost you $20. a lot of buffy fans liked buffy with spike, and in fact, if you go to youtube right now and search buffy and billy joel, you will find homemade videos to "always a woman to me" created to illustrate that fact (go now. i can wait). i guess i thought that pairing was a good idea at first, because angel was so self-righteous/left the show and spike dressed like my av nerd friends in high school (sup, tucked in black t-shirt) and liked the show passions, but when they actually did consumate their love/destroy a house in the process, it kind of made me ill. but whatever, this isn't about spike or the 44 year old man who played him (imdb.com. i've got all day). it's about angel, but the answer to this is simple because a, angel became a ginormo tank towards the end of his series, like, the-fat-guy-on-celebrity-fit-club-who-actually-needs-AA big, b, he has vampire zone cooties from his stupid exgirlfriend/the most insufferable angel plotline ever, darla, c, he married an effin playboy playmate in real life, which means that when his kids ask how he met mommy he'll have to say he fell for her at first sight when he saw her waxed'n'nekkid in a magazine, and d, if you get to know him biblically, he becomes evil and kills everyone, or if he doesn't, that means your private time together didn't make him truly happy, and that's when feelings get hurt. VERDICT: not even when hell freezes over (even and especially if buffy sends him there again).

jess from gilmore girls: as fans of datexedge know, jess was the hands down winner in the '05 gg eff toss, as we liked his punk planet t-shirt, love of the shaggs, and his ability not to be dean, so i feel the subject is well covered thankyouverymuch. then we touched the fourth wall when you had a romantic italian dinner with him (and his friend), and when his then-girlfriend, rory gilmore/"kim", praised the design of a handbag made by the company this very website serves to promote. but notice i say then-girlfriend, because he and rory/not-alexis are no more, and if i am to believe the gawker stalker, and it's more fun to, he was a total jerk to her, called her bad (the worst?) names in public, made her cry, and then told someone who asked if anything was wrong to eff off. this tells me that, unlike all the other dudes, jess and real-life jess and closest to being as one, so while he seems like a buttface, at least he won't chafe my face with his 10 o'clock shadow, try to give me a personality test, or go from being a waxed muscle man to having to shop at today's man big and tall. then again, now that we (ie you) have met him in real life, i feel kinda gross saying "i would venture into that guy's bikini area" when you have broken bread with him. also, he's kinda short, right? VERDICT: maybe? sorry.

IN CONCLUSION: i would easily have relations with the kid from everwood with the short haircut if hard up enough, or, if that creeps you out too much, danny from sports night forever and ever all night with lotion. happy now? also, seth rogen, call me.

3. Please decribe yr dream dude and the type of footwear that would be permissable and not permissable for him to wear. Shortie socks - approve or deny?

we have had many discussions about our dream dude, or at least the slim shaded section of the venn diagram where our dream dude qualifications collide (for example, being little is squarely in your circle, being-able-to-touch-the-rim-of-a-basketball-hoop tallness is in mine). as per our discussion: must be able to build/fix things, can be a sportsfan without having to watch televised sports, skateboarding can be in his past, but not the present/owns no element t-shirts and agrees that bam margera is a pox on humanity, acknowledges that dogs are #1 and wouldn't be a total mary about picking up dog poop (curb your dog, it's the law), reads on purpose, and can cook meats. long story short, normal is the new unique.

as for footwear, most types of classic tennis shoe are appropriate-- chucks, stan smiths, dunks, new balance, half-cabs, whatever-- but if you're wearing flip-flops, you better be on a beach or in a gay bath house, because real men don't put a thong between their toes, nor do they wear tevas, meshy merrils, or any other kind of outdoorsy foot baskets that do nothing but smell bad and make you look like a tourist. dc shoes indicate you believe fred durst, ipath shoes mean you're smuggling something in your footwear, and altaltjapanalt nikes mean you care more about footwear than girls which is gross. and i don't know about formal real shoes because i only date deadbeats that don't have real jobs anyway. but i guess if a dude is wearing bass loafers i'm going to assume he's either over 50 or under 18 and dressed by mom. please note: i have just described all the males in the town i live
in.

oh, and shortie socks are your nemesis. i really don't care, unless said socks are worn with the aforementioned mandals, and then it's like, dude, you don't even deserve feet.

4. Detail fer our readers yr experience as a torchered indie rock teen at that country club style private sleep away high school you went to. Also, please do go ahead n dish the dirt on the poser siblings in Cl@p Yr H@nd5 S@y Y3ah (googleproofed).

i attended a half sleep-away/half not-sleep away private school in the suburbs of boston for seventh thru twelfth grades. despite the fact i made 4 very close friends there-- friends i still talk to and in fact just spent 3 days with cooking elaborate meals, complaining about dudes, and watching sports night dvds-- i never really felt like i fit in there because i was a, jewish, b, fat, c, loud/depressed, and d, not very smart. those 4 traits describe much of the incoming freshman class at tisch/nyu, so that's where i decided to go to college. unfortunately, i didn't possess the 5th trait, which is insanity for girls and homosexuality for boys, so i didn't exactly fit in there, either. but i did get a boyfriend and eat foods from around the world.

as for the twins for that band, i won't mention them by name because google is a tricky mistress, but they were in a phish cover band i think, and if they didn't officially cover phish they took parts of their songs and then put them in a blender and then spit them out different. i hated phish, and i still hate phish, because to me they sound like classic rock they might be giants. everyone at my school loved phish tho, and loved to follow them in their parents saabs and range rovers and wear their t-shirts under button downs their moms bought them at the mall. i liked superchunk, knowing that if i wore my prized foolish ringer with the bunny on it i would be called superchunk, but i didn't give a crap. anyway, those twins, they loved the phish-- put the band on their yearbook page, if i'm not mistaken-- and shared that page with a group of friends that included a guy i had every class with in seventh grade (because we were both pretty stupid) who is, like, 5 feet tall and was inexplicably popular, and another guy whose dad was my french teacher in eigth grade and called me fat in class, in french, thus making me cry, in english. that guy (son of jerk teacher) also spread a rumor that these two not gay girls were gay because they crashed a party and he was just a totally loathsome human being. i hear his dad left his mom for a llama farmer, swear to god. good for her.

the only thing i know about the twins themselves tho is that one was niceish and the other was always a straight-up d-bag, just totally unpleasant to be around and not nice to anyone but girls whose boobs he wanted to see. i also heard a rumor in 9th grade that they'd both gotten electrolysis on their unibrows, which is why they had these red marks between their now-separated eyebrows, but that seemed weird to me cuz they're blonde. they're also now currently balding, but you don't need to know them from high school to know that.

the last thing i know about them is that one of them currently lives with or maybe just dates this other girl from our class who was like insanely smart, pretty, manipulative, blonde, and your general high school nightmare. she was nice to me sometimes but other times i could pretty much tell she was meangirlsing me and i couldn't trust her farther than i could throw her, which was not far, despite the fact she was quite slim. she hates me now because i have a gossip palsy and told a group of people she knows in nyc about this high school rumor involving her and her then boyfriend and her butt, and i know i shouldn't have, but she was seriously so much in the past tense and unreal in my mind that i could have been describing last week's despserate housewives, except i don't watch that show. anyway she has every right to hate me, but i hope it wasn't my callous rumor mongering that drove her to living with/dating? baldy mcasshole von noindiecred.

my 4 good friends all went to the reunion this year (i couldn't had work thank god) and i don't think the twins were there; probably playing some "indie" fest with the manager, publicist and eyebrow stylist they've had before they got signed in tow. (i made that last one up, but please note that i am being snarky because indie bands do not have managers trying to get them signed and if you think they do you probably like/are in the strokes or know nothing about indie music and grew up listening to phish [altho i realize that people's tastes can diversify in college cuz i really like creedence now and in high school any music made before 1977 made me wanna punch a wall]).

i don't think the loathsome guy, or the short dude, or the meangirl were there, either, but 3 of my friends spent the night flirting with this guy who had a mullet freshman year and a different pearl jam t-shirt for every day of the week. so if you're in high school now, don't worry, even the lamest guy could be hot one day if you have enough free cocktails and he's one of the 3 dudes in yr class that isn't totally bald.

5. How didja come to be so painfully funny?

trust me, no one but you and me is going to understand a word of what is written here, let alone be amused. some might cry, tho.

6. I have been obsessed with you since forevs.com or something. We are not gay, howevs, you totally broke up with me somewhere around 2001. Will you be doing any snow shoe-ing this winter?

i'm a big fan of snow shoeing, even tho it's really just walking thru the snow in clown shoes, but i think that's just cuz i don't have the right shoes because my mom and i have the same shoes and i'm about half a foot taller than her so it doesn't seem right. we, you and i, went snow shoeing across the lake once on a warm day just before we broke up and you freaked because there was water in your snow shoe print, so we had to walk along the shore to get home thru the trees and piles of scat, which is a folksy term for deer poop. you also refused to take off your built by wendy coat and from-japan/ill-fitting fuzzy hat, even in the snow, and generally tried to kill me with your eyes. so thanks for bringing that up.

7. This summer I am snowboarding with affluent teens on a glacier in Oregon and you are hiding out on a lake where Stephen Tyler from Aerosmith is yr seasonal neighbor. What do you like better - Sebadoh or sugar free Jello brand Snack Packs?

i'm kind of over jello right now, because trader joes pudding pretty much owns me and i don't need to eat gelatin fruit right now because it's summer in rural new hampshire (tm) and you can get blackberries by the roadside and eat nectarines so juicy you need a wet nap. i still listen to the freed weed in my itunes tho (drugs are bad stay in school) and if you don't get lil chills from hearing brand new love then you are most likely dead inside.

H. Dude, on Tuesdays in NYC we have secret Fat Club meetings at Atlas, our fave mediterranean hole in the wall, on 2nd Ave and 5th street. Our skeezy homies that run that place spell pretty much everything on the menu wrong. Please make up an entree name using some of their most prized mispellings.

maracan chichen sandwhiche pancak - tomoto, cucumbre, creem chee, harts of pam, and spicy.

8. Ask yrself n answer 2 questions that you secretly wish someone would ask you in a published interview situation. Blow peoples minds, please.

1, what 15 movies do you think you've seen more than any other movies?

in my family, we believe that everybody has "a touch of the 'tism," which is to say that, no matter how normal you think you are, everybody's just a little bit autistic in one way or another. i make my way on to the spectrum because, if i like a movie or tv show, i can watch it 900 hundred million times. of course, sometimes "watching" something means listening to it while i crochet (i'm a professional crocheter, fyi) (yes, we exist), but a lot of times, watching means just that. ie, #15 on this list, ie, the movie i have seen the least of the most, is a movie i have seen easily 50 times. judge me if you must, but it's not like i'm rainman or anything but it does sort of explain why i hate being touched. oh my god breakthrough.

also, a lot of the runners up would prolly be in the top 15 if they hadn't come out/weren't favorites in my youth when my parents regulated my tv time and homework destroyed my life. some of the top 15 did come out then but made their way into my summers or came to my attention later in life since they had nipples in them or something and my parents wouldn't let me watch them while in their direct care.

the runners up: rudy / slapshot / roadhouse / ladies and gentlemen the fabulous stains / rushmore / dazed and confused (i saw this 6 times in the theater and i don't even smoke pot! [stay in school just say no]) / before sunrise / raising arizona / better off dead / the ringwald-hughes troika (ie, pretty in pink) / dirty dancing / braveheart / pee wee's big adventure / my own private idaho (river pheonix dude don't mess) / annie hall / the muppets take manhattan / billy madison / other crap i probably blocked out out of shame, and that means it's got to be pretty bad given what my #2 movie is.

15: serenity - when i was moving from nyc to rural nh (also tm), this was one of the only dvds i left unpacked, and in the weeks before i actually filled up the rental van and got the hell out of dodge, i had a job crocheting a sweater for a pattern book. i had, like, 2 weeks to make the entire thing, like project runway for yarnarts, and i spent 50% of my hookin' time with this movie on in the background. i even listened to the commentary once, and i like joss whedon commentary, even tho he refuses to talk smack about his actors (and you know that real life buffy probably wasn't cake to work with), because you can tell he loves all that he does and is most likely totally kick ass in real life and can probably restart an arrested heart with his mind. anyway, this is a great movie, even if you're not a total nerd, because the lead guy is hot (swear to god-- squint a little, you'll see it), stuff blows up, and people say funny crap, even tho there are random swears in chinese and people you like die (unfair!). i'd see firefly first tho, not just because this movie'll make slightly more sense, but because it's just a good show and i really don't get why battlestar gallactica has been on for 2 years and this show got axed in 10 minutes. also, david krumholtz, get a haircut and call me.

14: boyz n the hood - my freshman year of college we didn't get cable, got no reception, and this is the only movie my roommate owned. i think we watched it on a bi-weekly basis, that and party of five, so they're kind of mashed up in my brain now which i don't mind telling you is a little weird and kind of uncomfortable to talk about.

13: anchorman / the 40 year old virgin - i will take any excuse to watch these movies; saw both in the theater more than once, have on demanded them, dvd'd them, forced people who've never seen either to sit thru them, will take planes if they're the inflight movie, whatever. everybody knows about these movies so i don't really need to explain their genius, but if you have the anchorman dvd, the lou rawls commentary is kind of mind bending, and oh also IT NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY NOT EVER.

12: 28 days later - this is kind of a head scratcher but i caught this movie on cable late at night when i was at death's door with tired and i kind of loved it cuz a, the magic of tivo made the really scary parts fly by, and b, i wanted to be on cillian murphy. so i guess it really isn't that complicated. my friend emma says he looks like a mid-op transsexual, but she's just jealous of how pretty he is. plus he has a shaved head and everyone knows that all boys should look ready to join the military at any given time. in fact, my friend rebecca and i were talking this past week about how the marines are our favorite branch of the armed services because the army does yeoman's work and the navy is just too gay. and we're both total pinkos who used to love evan dando in high school. we hate the war, we support the troops. or at least we want to. in that way. semper fi.

11: shawshank redeption / back to the future - when i was a sophomore in college, i shared a tv with 4 girls, and one of said girls liked to spend her saturdays watching tbs. this should pretty much explain everything. she even called tbs "the shawshank channel." sometimes, when i also had no life, i'd find myself watching andy do the redemption crawl for the 9 millionth time, but i'd only get teary when marty would say he wants to go back to the year 1985, cuz dammit, i'm old and i'm sick of my entertainment reminding me of that fact.

10: kicking and screaming (not the will ferrell movie)- this movie lives in any tivo i have anywhere i am. i guess it's coming out on dvd soon, which is good, because i've broken my vhs copy and ifc can only show this movie so many times a year. this movie is at once totally familiar and totally strange; you've had conversations like this, and you know people like this, or at the very least you've watched enough movies and tv shows that attempt to capture the same thing so it feels like you've lived it a thousand times. even so, you watch it and you're left wondering, why are these college dudes wearing blazers, and is that guy really supposed to be 22, and why do movies and tv make it seem like telling someone you love them is a big deal when i have a friend who signs off business calls that way? noah baumbach directed and co-wrote this movie, and i almost like his other movie, mr. jealousy, better, but
it's hard as hell to find and eric stoltz is a little harder to look at for 2 whole hours. noah baumbach co-wrote the life aquatic, which i kind of hated, because it seemed like a vogue photo shoot come to life instead of a movie, but it makes sense since both noah baumbach and wes anderson made amazing debuts (kicking/bottle rocket), great followups (jealousy/rushmore), and then total crap (aquatic/the royal tennenbaums, aka rushmore with max fisher's traits spread over a bunch of more famous actors). long story short, this movie is funny in a way that things aren't usually funny but if you're a teen it might go straight over your head, if only because one of the leads has some of the worst 90s hair i've ever seen.

9: heathers - i've written 2 academic papers on this movie and bullied my history teacher into showing it at the end of my junior year of high school, which doesn't make any sense since it doesn't have anything to do with federalism or fdr or any american history except that of cinematic excellence. still, i have an excuse for watching it so many times/practically memorizing the entire thing, because it was, like, research or something. kids, your wacky aunts might rent you pretty in pink or sixteen candles and talk about the teen movie glory days, but make them show you heathers even tho they'll say your parents won't like the idea.

5/4 (it's 3 movies but whatever): grease / goonies / disney's robin hood - i had these three movies on one vhs tape when i was a kid and watched them every day for 2 summers straight, sometimes more than once. it's weird watching grease now because it's sort of dirty, but my sister and i just liked the songs and sassy stockard channing. oh, and that weird noise john travolta makes at the end of summer nights, between the "oh suh uh mer" and "nhiy-yights." there's nothing i can say about goonies that teeter probably hasn't already said, but it totally stands the test of time and if they try to make a sequel and ruin it with an olsen twin or andy milinakis or whatever, i will firebomb all of hollywood. as for robin hood, it's probably the best disney movie ever, better than the little mermaid even, and totally better than the lion king which seems racist in a way i can't put my finger on. also every grown woman who saw that movie as a kid wants to kick it to the animated fox and if they say different they are lying.

3+: coming to america / raw - coming to america is always on one cable channel at any time during any day of the year, i swear to god, and 90% of the time, i am watching it and laughing out loud. sexual chocolate, soul glo, stay off the drugs, whatever, i have seen it so much it is playing in my brain somewhere right now and i am still amused. as for raw, i went thru a phase where i watched this movie at least once a week after finding the vhs on ebay, and when i told this really snooty friend of my sister's about it, this harvard guy who looked vaguely like the guy trying to enter the midvale school for the gifted in that farside cartoon, he scoffed at me, like, you watch raw once a week? well, yeah, jerk. kiss my leather suited butt.

2: bull durham - nobody understands why i love this movie so much, but i seriously love this movie, love it like a woman loves a man, or parents love their kids, or my dog loves to pee on the corners in my house (which is more than the other two even tho it's not immediately obvious). i mean, i like baseball in that i know the red sox are the best team ever and coco crisp has a HILARIOUS name, but i can't tell you what an rbi is or what place they're in (ok, they're out, but next year dude) (i'm a cliche, deal with it). i like the dialogue, and i like characters that have been totally crapped on their whole lives, and i like that it makes me like sports even tho i completely hate jocks and watching sports on tv and pretty much everything athletic except for tennis, kayaking, and hockey on feet. the only thing i don't like about this movie is the jacuzzi jazz interlude in the scene before crash (!) goes to annie (!!) to commence their long overdue physical times, because ew. otherwise, this movie is filled with life lessons and even manages to make kevin costner appealing, which is pretty much on par with cold fusion or making peace in the middle east.

1: airplane! - i know this'll be hard for the younger, hilary duff generation to believe, but those of us from the winona generation remember a time before vcrs. my parents got one early since up here in rural nh (tm) didn't used to have tv reception of any kind, not even channel 7 or reruns of taxi. people would come up to visit us a lot on weekends, and we would make almost all of them watch airplane!. then, when they weren't here, we'd finish dinner and my dad would say, "who wants to watch airplane!(?)," and the answer was everyone. i recently updated us to dvd since our bootleg copy is now half decayed into a pile of dust and daddy longleg skeletons, and ps, still funny. i have seen this movie so many times it's practically embedded in my dna, and hey, there are worse things to pass on to your children, like titanic, or crack addiction, sayin.

2, what do you like so much about new hampshire?

i like that it would be perfectly normal to see a guy riding a motorcycle down the highway with no helmet, a tubetopped woman in the back, a fist of state liquor store-purchased cheapo whiskey in one hand and lit fireworks in the other. i like that crocs and immitation crox are the shoe of the year second year running, or really that a shoe can have 2 years in the spotlight. i like my job, and i like that i can kayak after work like it's no big, and i like that i can listen to music really loud while cooking dinner that i would be too ashamed to listen to if anyone else was around/generally embracing that my musical taste has fallen off completely and that i'm turning into an old woman even tho i'm never going to shop at chicos or wear control top hose or really hose period. i like that i can drive down main street and get fresh farmstand produce and run into people i know at the coffee shop and not have to see any american apparel ads that make my stomach turn/not have to listen to people who try to justify american apparel's policy of exploiting workers bad-exploiting women ok/not talk to anyone who really knows what american apparel is. i like that, even tho a dunkin donuts just opened in down, i don't get the feeling like i do in nyc that in the next ten years the only businesses that are going to be able to afford rent are bank of america and dunkin donuts thus limiting your business transactions to taking money out of the atm to get a coolata. i like not being broke constantly, and that the pharmacy has pretty much everything you'd need including tupperware and award ribbons and life jackets, and also, i really like not living in new york.