comment shortage / guest commentator aw rootbeer

we'll have another home page xtravanganza pending one more comment (ts's comment is null in void in 49 states, sorry, tennessee), but in the meantime reviews are updated and if that isn't enough to win more love we don't know what is. until our comment count rises higher and we can post our latest channel 13/ datexedge-style expose hosted by sb, ts, aw rootbeer and roz abhrams, we present this guest essay by aw rootbeer. enjoy. -sb/ts

missy elliot vs. lauren graham
What I did during the June Month of my summer vacation:

So my parents are like, totally, back together again and you know what that means—master suite is in lockdown and I get shipped off to Uncle Leo & Aunt Sherry (they’re not even related!) for two weeks in the O.C. I’m only going to tell you one thing about the actual trip cause as Mrs. Applegate says to Andy Wildebrand and his 25 page book reports “Ackins! Give us the meat, skip the stuffing!” (the O.C. is so not like The O.C.) I spent the whole first week in my bed- even on my birthday. I came down with a bad case of M.E.P.D. (Missy Elliot Plane Disease). That’s right, I sat next to The Miss on my Very American Airlines flight from Newark to LAX. In coach—the last row of the plane. Now, I don’t want to say anything mean about anyone cause I hate it when people say mean things about me (Courtney!), but I was in a perfect state of health when I boarded the aircraft, and in total need of a Dimetapp mainline by the time I got off, and I was completely surrounded by UPN’s own The Road To Stardom with Missy Elliot’s Missy Elliot and her entourage of 6 + lil’ dog. just sayin’.
Here’s a handy diagram of the sitch where x is anonymous frequent flyer, p is for posse, m is for missy, and 1 is for me all dxe style:
x x x x x x
x x x x x x
x p p p p x
x x p P x x
x _ 1 _ _ m

I didn’t talk to Missy, in her Addidas-totalis style. Missy wouldn’t talk to anyone except the capital P in the row in front of her. P is her slave. Whenever she wanted something- anything—she would reach forward and tap him over the chair. He would turn around in his seat and get bossed. Then he would reach up and hit the flight crew light. A crew member would appear, he would order. The crew member would come back with the cranberry juice cocktail (3x) and snack box and ask for the 5 bucks (American!). P would turn around for the money, and Missy would say she didn’t know where her wallet was. P would get out his own wallet and pay. Then he’d pass the snax over the chair to her. Ten minutes later Missy threw a 20 dollar bill over the chair onto P’s tray table.
In summary: P’s neighbor x seemed thrilled, I had something more interesting to watch than Hitch, and got to spend my 12th birthday in bed breathing through my mouth!

—DELICIOUS CARBS—

When I arrived at gate 46A at LAX to find my flight home was delayed an hour and a half the first thing I did was take a lemon-lime Airborne Formula tablet. The second thing I did was call home to make sure mom would get all of today’s nakid sexin’ done in time to pick me up in six hours. The third thing I did was totally freak out! Lauren Graham is standing no less than 10 feet away from me. Lorelai Gilmore!!! After a quick call to sb for courage I walked over and interrupted her sidekick session.



1. she is so nice.
2. she is so pretty.
3. she received no less than 5 dxe.com stickers
4. she sat in first class where she belongs
5. she was by herself and even carried her own bags
6. she shows crack just like us, with pride!



So, in conclusion, in the who-is-the-better-celebrity-to-be-on-a-plane-with-battle that was my first month of summer vacation, Lauren Graham totes wins. Granted we shared public personal space for only a few moments, but I swear ever since then my hair and nails seem thicker, it’s been pizza every night, and my sinuses have re-opened.