gilmore dudes eff toss bracket showdown - ROUND 2

after getting ourselves two (2!) whole positive reponses on round one, we figured we should press further on into the eff battledome of stars hollow. join us, won't you?


judges:
sb again, dropper of gilmore science.

ts again, dropper of specific names of real-life dudes and she has/would like to kick it to.

ROUND 2:

gg expert (sb): hrm...truth be told, i never really like "hot" guys, usually just the room temp and/or luke warm/tepid, with a twist of glasses. alex is too "hot," which is to say you could find him on a calendar or playing the bf of any cookie cutter actress like uncle jesse's wife from full house or that cunt from that show i don't like (you know, that show, the one with the cunt on it, that i really don't like). i also got constantly rejected by the guys i liked when i was 14 so luke would help me avenge their shunnings and keep me from not checking out pre/mid-pube skateboarders that pass me on the street/getting a boner for them on the off/constant chance i do take a gander. which is to say, if luke can fix things, he can fix my perversions and broken coming of age, which has since turned into a going of age, since i am known to wear an overall jumper. plus alex obviously can't commit (hello, 4 episodes!) and he uses a hairdryer.
gg non-expert (ts): I could never date a dude wif a headshot and, conversely, I could never date a dude wif a haircloud. I am tired and cranky and so I defer to SB on this one. I effing hate when VeganTreats.com baked goods at Atlas are nearing a week old and are kind of stale. My sisters boyfriend kind of sucks. Also, I would avoid any dude named Alex cause I was once not too long ago hanging out/making out with this little dude Rob H., and then, through some slip of the tongue when I was trashed at the Soho Grand, ended up making out with his Jason Schwartzmann look-alike best friend, Alex S. - nearly ruining my friendship with Rob - and rendering me the receiving end of many a snarly text message fer like the 17 and a half weeks following said event. I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that Alex is a liar and totes said Rob wouldn't care and that it's all peace now cause none of really cared about each other in that way, and all it took to calm Rob down was a pricey dinner at the Olive Garden in Times Square. I would nevs evs pipe either of them, but even in thinking about for this eff toss bracket showdown, the name Alex makes me think of madd heffer amounts of drama and puke in my mouth a little.(see below).

winner: luke! luke! alex makes us puke!


gg expert (sb): i got in a fight with my friend ali on sunday who works at tv guide who says that yes, dean is/was a pussy but hey he's just hotter and that's that. then ali cursed the color of her pedicure and wondered aloud if she should've played hockey in her h&m halter dress. plus, while doing an appearance on a morning show on fox or something, ali made up the world documenatryist, which sounds like something someone who never went to college would say, even tho she did (but dean didn't! are you feeling me?). i loves me some ali, and she is sort of a tv authority, but i think the info above pretty much sums up why i am a jess girl por vida and why he has won the hearts of dxe, rory, and ugly-footed bitches everywhere. also, say what you will about his coiffure, but the higher the hair, the closer to god. there's not much else to say so back to to teet's personal page 6.
gg non-expert (ts): Our friend Suz swares that feelings for dudes and stuff can run deeper than just, like, jammin' yr grubby little hands down their pants when on the horizontal make out stampede. I can't really begin to comprehend this because every feeling I've known to this point is based solely on how cute in the face the boy at hand is. Hence, my past dating/eff throwing corrale of profeshional male pattern loosers. Hot in the face por vida. That said, and again and again, I choose Jess. Oh wait, while Jess ultimately wins no matter what, I have this to say: I had a sweet ass roof party last Friday with at least 1,000 Really Popular People {R.P.P} in attendance and there was this Jalapeno Cheeze Hot Pocket of socially inept askingforit/notaskingforit dudes from L.A. there, all JUST SO RIPE fer the pipe and toss. SB would respectfully disagree wif me on this one cause they were, like, MTV 10:30 Spot TRUE LIFE "I Was Born A Fucking Jalapeno Cheeze Hot Pocket, Pipe-able Dude" dudes, rather than, say, near sited Harry Potter/Librarian/Stamp Collecting Nerd/Record Store Clerk/Scared/Pteradactyl lookin' dudes - but I don't even once care what she says on this one. I would much prefer to repeatedly throw any or all of them the eff as opposed to a fictional TV character, cept fer the honest fact that I have cobwebs down there due to a} only being medium cute and 2} having a ginormo relations ice chip, no block, on my grubby little shoulder. Apropos of absolutely nothing, I would also pipe Brandon Reilly from Nightmare of You, if only a) he were not in a band, 2) a total man ho, D) a client I work with, and 17) from Wrong Island. That said, I'll take Latin Derivatives, no I mean Jess...in the primetime television gaywad quiz show that is throwing the eff to any dude, ugg boots or otherwise.

winner: hell jess.


gg expert (sb): i am all for having crushes on the nonexistent, but for the purposes of this showdown, mr kim is a cartoon, and the last cartoon i wanted to mash it with was the fox from disney's robin hood. he had an accent, wore cool shoes, and was down with fat people (hello, his bff, not-li'l jon). sure he was mean to the gay snake and was 2 dimensional but this was back when i was a child and my imagination wasn't yet crushed by the entertainment industry/14 year old boys (see above). so even tho max asked lorelai to marry him for the dumbest reason imaginable (cuz he was tired of fighting?) unless mr kim can swordfight and figure out an a-ha-like way to become real i'm sticking with my own kind thank you (3D/jew).
gg non-expert (ts): I'm gonna go fer the korean cartoon dude. Oh dang, no, scratch that - forgot that you wouldn't be able to close the deal with the lights completely off with that necessary-fer-him-to-be-there TV glare filling the room. And geez, I fergot to shave! Gimme Max cause one time I made out with this super cute underage dude name Max in my eggplant colored wheelz and although it wasn't the most smooth as silk make-out sesh evs, at the end of the day he was still really hot in the face and I have the luxury of storing that memory in my near-to/yet-far-from- the-eff-throw back catalogue forevs, to help me feel less like a looser when I'm riding my BMX bike all over the city by myself to take pix of spelling errors on random sandwhichboards to post immediately on my hiptop blog: http://www.hiplog.com/hiplog/read/4/4488

I'll take Max. I am so totally board and hungary.

winner: to the max.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO SEE JESS WIN!